I am about to show the vulnerable side of me, and for me that is not easy. I enjoy keeping that locked away so no one knows I have it – just ask my husband.
Have you ever gotten the Holy Spirit in you? I know this is a question that some people don’t understand. It’s a feeling that I can’t really explain in words, but I am going to try to. From time to time I have been called, and it has come from deep within me. I have no idea where it comes from. Normally it is saying you need to get it together in the spiritual aspect of your life.
I recently had the Holy Spirit in me kicking me in the pants saying get your act together. Yes I go to church, but I don’t participate in church. I am a warm body on a pew getting my check mark for being in attendance. Having a little one makes it hard to focus on the sermon from time to time – I check in and out periodically of what the preacher is saying. Singing currently is where I get most of my worship on. As soon as church is over we leave because we have things that HAVE to get done – worldly things winning I know.
In my “Holy Spirit kick in the pants” session I also discovered I am not doing anything to further the work of the Lord. This is something that I don’t want to overstep my bounds with people. I don’t want to be the Bible thumping girl that is going around telling people they are going to Hell if they don’t do this and this and this. What I do like is how when talking with people it naturally comes up in conversation. But here lately that has dropped off because I sometimes don’t see people other than children and the people that I serve at a restaurant I work at part time.
We started going to a church that does a lot of work in the community. We aren’t members there, but I enjoy that they do so much work in the community to further the work of the Lord. The people that do this work you can see the fire in their eyes and hearts. I found out that I have been missing this in my life.
I bought a book a little while back because I thought it would be good (and I have a problem with buying things when I go to bookstores). It’s called Cheers to the Diaper Years. When I saw this I thought “hey I am currently going through this, lets see what it has to offer.” I bought it and I read a few chapters and forgot about it because you know life happened. After I got kicked in the pants I decided to pick it up again, and see what the book had to offer. I finished it in about 3 days. The book spoke to me. It talked about the good, bad, and the ugly of being a parent. AND had a lot of wisdom from the Word in there. One thing I haven’t done in this journey in parenthood is cried out to Jesus to take the wheel. Oh I have cried out to him, but it’s normally the “why is my child still screaming, why won’t he go to sleep, why are we up for the 16th time this night” – why, why, why is basically my calling out. I haven’t given Jesus the wheel to take, and I need to turn to Him more.
Let me also say that I like to read, and a lot of books don’t “speak” to me. It made some valid points that I needed in my life, and I do believe it was the Holy Spirit working in me and opening my heart and my eyes to see what I needed to do. I had a teacher in college that I loved. Going to a Christian school I sometimes thought the teachers were a little goody-two shoes and never did anything wrong in life. This teacher was not a goody-two shoes by any means. He told us all kinds of ways he failed in his spiritual and physical life – he knew how to relate to some college kids trying to find their way. In one of our classes which was business leadership he had us read the book of Proverbs and keep a journal of what verses stuck out to us. He also told us that every month that has 31 days that he does this, and gets a different nugget of knowledge every time. Back then it was just an assignment I had to do to get a grade. I decided since July has 31 days that I would try this 31 day journey out. So far I am on the right track – I have made it 2 days 🙂
I say all of this to say that I am going to work on getting my spiritual life back on track. It’s one area that I don’t need to have take a backseat ride being that this will be defining me if I get to see the pearly gates or not. Getting back into working with the community is something that I have missed, and my dear friend Gilda would be super upset with me for not doing my due diligence of helping people out and letting people see the disciple live out in me.
When I went to Gilda’s court date for the sentencing of the girl that killed her in the car crash last year I got to hear some wise words spoken by her husband. He said that the day it happened he had been going through his mom’s things with his siblings (his mom passed away 3 weeks prior to this), and when he got home Gilda knew he was mentally and physically drained. The last words that she spoke to him were these: “Are you sure you don’t want to go volunteer? It will always make your heart happy.” Volunteering and community leadership was her calling in life, and by golly she was amazing at it. I hope that one day people will look back on me, and say that I had the fire to make a difference in the community and Jesus could be seen in me.